


Trader Jojo's

by MenagerieOfDarkness



Category: Spider-Man (Movies - Raimi), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Adult Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Canon-Typical Violence, Cute, Cute Ending, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Grocery Shopping, I know surprising right, Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Use of Stands (JoJo), M/M, Meet-Cute, No Smut, Plans For The Future, Romantic Tension, Sweet Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable), Tobey Maguire is Spider-Man, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trader Joe's, You're Welcome, my chemical romance - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29065242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MenagerieOfDarkness/pseuds/MenagerieOfDarkness
Summary: Follow your friendly-neighborhood Spider-Man -- Tobey Maguire -- as he goes shopping, fights for justice, and falls in love with a mysterious pompadoured stranger!The Spider-Man/Jojo crossover we all needed.This is canon now don't @ me
Relationships: Higashikata Josuke/Tobey Maguire
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Trader Jojo's

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aardvark_french](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aardvark_french/gifts).



When Tobey Maguire entered the Trader Joe’s, he assumed he knew what to expect. Every Saturday, he webbed his way to the store, using the money he got from mowing his neighbors' lawns and walking a few dogs every now and then to buy some specialty groceries for his Aunt May. At first, she went with him, but now, since he was a bonafide adult and everyone’s friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, he figured he had earned the right to go on his own. 

Stepping into the store, Tobey tucked the edges of his Spider-Man costume under his long-sleeved My Chemical Romance shirt and his baggy jeans. While he didn’t have to wear the costume while using his powers, it made him feel more official. Only Spider-Man could shoot webs from his wrists and swing across the city, so it only felt right to wear the suit while doing so.

The Trader Joe’s was crowded and over-air-conditioned, and Tobey tucked his arms into his chest both to keep warm and to prevent himself from bumping into people. After the bite, he found himself taller and more swole than ever before; he still hasn’t gotten used to taking up more space in each aisle. Still, he curled in on himself and rushed to the dried fruit aisle. Aunt May loved dried mango strips, and, using his Spidey-senses, he could tell that there was one bag left. But, just before he could reach the bag and all of the overpriced goodness inside of it, a crash from the next aisle over stopped him in his tracks.

“The fuck did you say about my hair?” A man roared from the freezer aisle, then another crash as something — or someone — hit the glass freezer door. Tobey immediately vaulted himself over the shelves of dried nuts and fruit. He didn’t care how strange it looked that a man just jumped seven feet into the air. He only cared about justice.

In the aisle, Tobey saw a disturbing sight. An NPC had his face smashed through the glass door, forehead resting against some dairy-free ice cream. But, that wasn’t what caught the webbed hero’s eyes. No, it was the man standing above him. He was wearing bagging clothing like he was in a 90s music video and had the biggest pompadour Tobey had ever seen. It looked so stupid, Tobey thought. But, given the state of the man who seemingly insulted the haircut, he kept that thought to himself.

“Hey! What are you doing there?” Tobey shouted as he gracefully landed next to the two like a delicate tower of dominoes. He was ready to drag the pompadoured man out of the store and give him some Spider-slapping, but, with a flash of pink light, the bloodied man’s face returned to normal. It was as if the injury never occurred, but Tobey noted that his now unbroken nose looked crooked like it hadn’t been set properly. He let out a small sigh. With no injury, there was no reason to confront the man. But, it was too late; his dramatic entrance and yelling had already alerted him to his presence.

“What are you supposed to be, some kind of Spider-Man?” The man smirked, rubbing his hands over his pompadour. He looked around Tobey’s age, that strange space of time when a man could be in his early-twenties or mid-thirties. The hairstyle seemed to age him, though, like he was reaching back to a past he could never recover.

Tobey didn’t answer the man’s question. He kept staring between the broken glass, the once-injured civilian who staggered upright, desperate to leave the Trader Joe’s. He left his shopping cart behind.

“How did you do that? Fix his face, I mean.”

The man sniffed, rubbing a finger beneath his nose. “Just this power I’ve always had. My nephew told me it’s called a Stand, but I’m sure you already knew that. How else could you jump that high?”

His eyes suddenly lit up, glancing around Tobey like he was expecting a ghost to jump out.

“So, what kind of Stand do you have?” He almost yelled it out, his excitement hardly contained. “Is it a pogo stick? No, rocket shoes. Or, or is it a giant frog? Wait, don’t tell me, it’s a...”

“I don’t have a Stand.” Tobey wasn’t sure what a Stand was, but he doubted that a radioactive spider bite was one of them. While he expected his answer to placate the man, it only seemed to excite him further. Any rage that he had earlier was completely gone, now swallowed up by pure glee.

“Wait! How can you do all of that then?” The man inched closer to Tobey. There was something about his demeanor that normally would’ve made Tobey smile along, trying his best not to blush, but the sudden question made him break out into a cold sweat instead. How could he answer that question without exposing his secret identity?

“I’ve been working out recently, so...” The man laughed at that, but when he spoke next, he quieted his voice down to a soft whisper.

“I get that you probably don’t want to say it around so many people. C’mon, I know a place here that’s much quieter.” He took Tobey’s hand, and the superhero stifled a gasp at the sudden contact. The man pulled him into the supplements aisle that was thankfully empty other than a few old women and some moms rushing through with their children leashed to their waists — no one who would be able to listen in on them.

“Better?” Tobey nodded at the man. “Good. Well, I showed you mine. Now you show me yours.”

“Well,” Tobey started. Before he knew it, he divulged his whole backstory to the man: the spider bite, his new powers, even Uncle Ben’s tragic death, and Tobey’s new life as Spider-Man, a hero fighting for truth, justice, and the ability to pay rent on time.

“Oh wow.” The man was stunned, like he wasn’t expecting a stranger to tell him his life story. “Well, I guess I’m something of a superhero myself then.” He crouched down and pulled his hands into a set of finger guns, stalking around the aisle like he was a secret agent. Tobey couldn’t help but laugh at that, and he wasn’t sure if the man was trying to cheer him up or if it was just his personality. Deep down, he hoped it was both.

“So, you’re Spider-Man then?” 

“It’s Tobey, actually. Tobey Maguire.” The man pouted at that, but he still stuck his hands out, urging Tobey to shake it.

“Josuke Higashikata. But my friends call me Jojo.” Tobey raised an eyebrow; so they were friends then? Would the man get mad at him if he called him Jojo? Still, he wanted to test the waters, just a little bit.

“Nice to meet you, J-jojo.” Jojo’s grin was back, even brighter than before. Tobey’s heart fluttered a bit, and he hoped the man couldn’t feel his racing pulse through the handshake.

“Nice to meet you too, Tobey. You still haven’t answered my question, though. Are you Spider-Man?” 

Even though Tobey had answered the question in his long, dramatic backstory, he still pulled up his sleeves, revealing the costume beneath it. Jojo let out a small squeal of joy as he saw the red fabric.

“That’s so cool!” Jojo’s beamed as Tobey quickly covered the costume up. “And you’re a My Chemical Romance fan, I see. Great hero with great taste!”

Tobey blushed even deeper at that. Was Jojo trying to flirt with him, or was he just reading too deeply into this? Either way, he had to look cool and casual, so he leaned back against a shelf, instantly knocking over a variety of vitamin pill bottles in all shapes and sizes. A teenage employee standing nearby glared at Tobey as he haphazardly shoved the bottles back onto the shelf. Jojo looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“So much for Spidey-senses.” Jojo giggled. Looking past his baggy clothes and horrible pompadour, Tobey had to admit that he found himself lost in the man’s eyes, absentmindedly taking a mental photograph of all of him. How long had it been since he had someone to talk to about being Spider-Man? Someone to laugh with, to joke around with?

But, just as Tobey felt himself begin to settle into the moment, ready to ask Jojo about himself, anything to get to know this strange, superpowered man, he noticed the large clock on the wall of the Trader Joe’s. It was getting late, late enough for Aunt May to start wondering where he was with her dried mango.

“I’m sorry, Jojo, but I think I have to go.” Tobey rushed over to the dried fruit aisle, but, to his dismay, the final bag of dried mango was gone. He couldn’t believe it; he should’ve grabbed it the moment he saw it. How was he going to explain this to Aunt May? But, a warm hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality.

“Looking for something?” Jojo pushed something into Tobey’s hand. He couldn’t believe it; it was just the bag he was looking for!

“The guy in the other aisle had a bag of them. Figured if anyone should enjoy them, it should be you.” Jojo was blushing slightly, refusing to look Tobey in the eyes. For a second, Tobey couldn’t understand why until he further examined the bag in his hands. The man had drawn something on the back of the blue bag in marker. A series of numbers... Wait...

“Did you just give me your number?” Tobey blurted out before realizing that maybe he should have been more tactful. Jojo seemed to cringe in on himself before standing taller, a determined smile on his face to try to hide his crimson cheeks.

“You don’t have to call if you don’t want to, but I really want to talk to you some more. I mean, only if you want to, though.”

“I do!” Tobey’s voice was suddenly way too loud and way too high pitched. A few people turned to see who just yelled out. The superhero quickly cleared his throat before continuing. “I mean, I would love to. Maybe we can meet up somewhere a bit more private. Coffee, maybe?”

“Sounds great!” Jojo nodded. “I’ll be awaiting your call then, Spider-Man.”

Tobey eagerly nodded before rushing to the cash register, bag of mango in hand. He knew exactly was going to do when he landed his web at his place.


End file.
